Mariah Carey and Perhaps the Worst Idea Ever

I’m late to the party mentioning this, but it’s so overwhelmingly stupid that I just couldn’t help piling on. I promise to try to add something to what’s already been said.

The basic story, if you haven’t heard it, is that included with Mariah Carey’s new album (wait…did I just go back in time to 1991?) will be a Mini-Magazine. No, it won’t contain hard-hitting commentary on geopolitics, giving voice to multiple points of view. It will include instead features like “VIP Access to Her Sexy Love Life.” (Is it just me or does that sound like an ad for an escort?)

Ok, but the real story here is that the mini-magazine exists as a vehicle to sell and print ads as a way to drive up revenue from the album, which presumably is anticipated to be low.  (I say “presumably” not just because Mariah Carey is way past her commercial prime, but also because few albums any longer have much expectation of commercial success.)

Some say that lobster is nothing more than a vehicle to make it socially acceptable to eat straight melted butter in polite company.  That may be so, but the difference between lobster and this mini-magazine is that people actually like and want lobster.  Nobody wants this.

So why does it happen and what does it mean?

It happens because some advertisers are, sadly, still gullible enough to put money into this kind of thing.  They will not see a positive ROI.  In fact, the ROI for something like this could very well approach zero, because this media will be seen by few, appreciated by still fewer, and acted on by none.

But it’s not just Mariah.  It’s advertising itself.  Here’s what I said on this subject a few months back:

“…not all advertising is equally ineffective.  Leading the uselessness parade is probably print advertising.  Honestly, for the kind of money you spend for a big ad in a big paper, you’d be better off paying someone to drive around in a clown car in a busy part of LA, San Francisco or New York throwing Almond Joy bars at people and screaming the name of your company.  (Plus, that sounds kinda fun, and who doesn’t like Almond Joy bars? Full disclosure:  we don’t work with Almond Joy.)

But seriously, that’s going to be about as effective as a print ad.”

And I was talking about a print ad inside a big, well read paper.  Not inside a dopey mini-mag stuffed into a CD no one is going to buy.

So what does it mean?

It means that recorded music continues its decline in value.  You’ve heard me say it a thousand times, but it’s important to point out the milestones when we hit them.  Trying to save the value of an album by selling advertising is like trying to save a drowning swimmer by throwing him a cinder block.  Or an Almond Joy.

It also points out what I said before: You Are Your Own Marketing.  If Mariah Carey were inherently compelling, she wouldn’t have any trouble achieving her financial goals.  But she’s not inherently compelling anymore.  I have nothing against her, but if she as a personality or her music had an appeal that became obvious by simply seeing or hearing it, well, things would be different for her.

How about your live entertainment organization?  Are You Your Own Marketing?

Here at Goldstar, we spend a little money on pay-for-performance marketing, but 80% of our growth comes from people telling other people about Goldstar.  We used to spend more for paid advertising and marketing, but as time went on, it became obvious to us that we could invest money in making ourselves more interesting and get both the benefit of people wanting to spread the word about Goldstar and, well, being more interesting.

And we’ve never had to throw a single Almond Joy at anyone.